


Somewhat Damaged (Now I'm Nothing)

by DadIWriteGayPorn



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Angst, Cabin Fic, Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), Cold, Cold Silence Has A Tendency To Atrophy Any Sense Of Compassion, Cold Weather, Cuddling, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark, Death, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Feelings, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Enemies, Gay, Gay Panic, Goth - Freeform, M/M, Minor Violence, Monsters, Non-Graphic Violence, OTP Feels, Relationship Discussions, Riptide, Sass, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Snow, Spooning, Sweet, Thanksgiving, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Violence, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, cold feels, dad I write gay porn, i swear this will get gay soon, monster fighting, surprise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-08-27 14:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16704403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DadIWriteGayPorn/pseuds/DadIWriteGayPorn
Summary: Percy manages to catch Nico after the boy bolted when he found out about Bianca's death. Though Nico still has negative thoughts about Percy, Percy soon discovers that he I the key to keeping Nico happy and stable.





	1. The Day The World Went Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I'm back from my hiatus a week early because I got bored and I had this fic all ready, and it's Thanksgiving so you guys deserve a new fic. with a whole new fic for you! So I'm a big Percy Jackson fan. Have been since the days when there was only one incomplete series. And in a world full of Solangelo and Percabeth, I alone seemed to ship Percico. I've shipped it since I first read The Titan's Curse, and it grew to be my OTP of the series with each new book. So this is going to be a cute and fluffy, kinda angsty, Percico fic. For now I only have plans for this fic to be fluffy (though I might make it smutty down the line), but I do have a chapter written for a Percico sex fic that you should keep your eyes out for. 
> 
> This is my first fic in first person POV. I did it that way because the Percy Jackson books are in First Person, and when I tried writing the fic in my usual Third Person narrative it became clear in the first few paragraphs that it wasn't working. So here's my fic that includes all of that stuff I just mentioned. Enjoy

**Percy's POV:**

I WAS RUNNING THROUGH icy snow, eyes squinting as I tried to keep track of the small shadow up ahead of me. One of my hands was clenched around the small figurine of the God Hades from the Mythomagic game Nico liked, and the other was clutching my three-foot-long celestial bronze sword, Riptide.

I probably should've realized sooner that running after a small, scared, and pissed off boy with a lethal weapon wasn't a good idea, but I was finding it hard to think. I kept replaying what had just happened in my mind. Nico Di Angelo's face as I delivered the news, the rage and fear and sorrow in his eyes, then the way he'd made the ground open up and swallow several unkillable skeleton warriors before he'd started running. His voice echoed continuously inside my head as I ran after him. _"You promised you'd protect her!" "You said you'd keep her safe!" "I hate you!"_

The words stung worse than the snow against my skin. Much worse. I didn't even know what I would say if I caught Nico. I only knew that I had to. The ten-year-old was my responsibility. I had promised to keep his sister, Bianca, safe on our quest, and I had failed him when I'd allowed her to climb into that giant robot alone. It was my fault she was dead, and I wasn't going to let Nico follow her to his father's realm, or worse fall into the hands of Kronos.

I fumbled with my sword, putting a golden cap on the tip. It quickly shrank down into a ballpoint pen. My hands were too chilled and numb to keep hold of something that small, and I dropped the pen by accident. I left it in the snow without a second thought. The weapon was enchanted and would reappear in my pocket in a few minutes. Nico mattered more. 

The boy was fast, I'd give him that, but years of training and the fact that I was three years his senior (sort of) gave me the advantage. I was gaining on him. Nico now looked more like a pale boy than the vague shadow I'd been running after a minute ago. 

Then the trees loomed out of the dark snow. I silently cursed as Nico ran into the forest. There would be less snow in there, I knew, but it was also darker, with many potential hiding places, and it was stocked with monsters for the campers to train against. I knew if I kept up my speed that Nico most likely wouldn't be able to slip away without my noticing, but that was easier said than done. I was starting to feel out of breath, and while I knew that meant Nico would be slowing down too, the fact that I was running low on energy meant he could still give me the slip. 

But he began slowing down much more than I'd anticipated. He stumbled through the woods up ahead and I heard him gasp for breath. Still he kept trying to run. Soon we reached a clearing with a massive rock formation in the center that the campers had named "Zeus' Fist". It was covered with undisturbed snow and looked strangely peaceful. 

As Nico drew level with the Fist, he seemed to give up. He collapsed against the side of the boulder, fingers buried in the snow, and began sobbing uncontrollably. I came up behind him, and he glanced at me. He hastily wiped his eyes on his sleeve, then struggled to his feet to try and make another escape. 

But I was too quick for him. I dropped the Hades figurine and dove forward, wrapping my arms around his skinny waist and pulling him tightly to me. Nico turned in my arms and tried to push me away. 

"Let me go!" He screamed, a wild look in his eyes. "Let me go! I hate you! You let her die!" He started punching me in the chest, but the blows were weak, without substance. The words hurt me more than his fists. It was clear Nico had expended all his energy. I was grateful that I wasn't being sucked down into the underworld as those skeleton warriors had been, but at the same time it was excruciating to see Nico like this. Tears began to slide down my cheeks as well. I deserved everything he could do or say to me. 

"Let me go!" He continued to scream. "It's all your fault! I don't want to see your face! Let me GO!" Angry, sorrowful tears streamed down his face, and he kept trying to punch me. But the hits were softer and weaker with each strike. He quickly gave up punching me and instead twisted in my arms to try and squirm away. But it was no use, my grip on him was too strong. Soon Nico had no energy left, not even to scream at me, and his body fell limp in my arms. He sniffled as more tears streaked down his face. 

I lowered us to the ground with my back against the boulder and Nico's against my chest. He put up no fight, but I kept my arms wrapped tightly around him anyway, just in case he tried to bolt again. Plus, it was freezing out and I had to keep him warm. I tucked his head under my chin and made calming shushing noises. I still didn't know what to say. 

But I was relieved from having to say anything when Nico turned for a third time in my arms and buried his face in my shoulder. His body was racked with sobs, and I began rubbing my hands over his back, relaxing his clenched muscles. 

We only sat there like that, cradling each other, for a moment before I heard a sudden _crack_ in the woods to our right. We both sat up straighter, senses alert, and looked to the source of the sound. My heart dropped. There was a dark shadow stalking at the edge of the woods. My hand instinctively went to my pocket, but it came up empty! Riptide hadn't yet reappeared. Just my luck, too. 

Now, the monsters that were stocked in Camp Half-Blood's woods generally weren't too difficult to fight. Some stronger monsters might be stocked specially by request to pose more of a challenge to a dedicated trainee, but for the most part they were supposed to be small obstacles. Only, Nico and I were half frozen and had no weapons. We were both far too tired from our chase to try and outrun whatever that thing was. We'd never make it back to camp in time. 

A low growl emanated from the creature in the woods, and it began to stalk forward into the light. Nico's red eyes went wide with fear, and he grabbed onto me tightly. I fished in my pockets again, but there was still no pen! I wasn't sure what was taking it so long. Usually it would've been back by now. Chiron had told me when he'd first given me the sword that sometimes it took longer to reappear in my pocket than others, but this was the worst possible time for that to happen!

"It's going to be ok!" I told Nico. "I promise I'll take care of this."

His eyes sent me a clear message. _Like how you promised to take care of Bianca?_ But I had no time to talk, no time to feel the icy knife to the heart that look gave me. The beast lumbered forward into the light, and Nico and I gasped as we finally laid eyes on it. 

It was. . . Well, I'm not entirely sure what it was. Did you ever see those old _Star Wars_ Movies? The good ones with Luke and Leia and Darth Vader? It looked kind of like the Rancor in Jabba's palace, only smaller, about the size of an adult black bear, and with sparse hair. It had two small, beady black eyes, a large mouthful of long, sharp teeth that seemed to all be pointed at a different angle, and a twitching, mucousy nose that was apparently telling it where to go. It had long arms with three thick fingers, each tipped with deadly-looking sand colored claws. It took another step towards us. 

I jumped to my feet, tugging Nico up with me. "Stay here!" I commanded. "I'll take care of it!" 

I must've looked much more fierce and confident than I felt because Nico nodded earnestly and stayed rooted to the spot. I stepped forward towards the beast and shouted: "Get out of here!" As loud as I could. Of course, it didn't work. The beast continued to creep closer, sizing me up. But at least I'd drawn its attention entirely upon myself. 

I'd expected it to wait another few moments while it continued to size me up, but I was wrong. With the next step I took it roared in fury and charged me. I was so surprised and frozen I almost didn't react. At the last moment I dove out of the way, rolling in the snow. Nico gasped as the monster's sharp claws raked the air where I'd been a split second before. 

I stood back up, shaking the snow from my hair, and turned to face the beast again. I reached shakily back into my pockets, but Riptide still wasn't there! I was certain it had never taken this long to reappear before, but there was nothing I could do about it. 

The monster snorted and charged me again. I darted to my right, towards the forest, trying to draw it away from Nico. It worked, and the beast came running after me. The problem was that it was fast. My legs and lungs burned, and I could hardly take a step, much less try to outrun this thing. The best I could hope for was to buy time for Nico to get to safety. I looked over my shoulder at him and gestured for him to run. But the boy was still rooted to the spot!

_Damn it!_ I had to get the beast away from the kid. But as I led it painstakingly towards the edge of the trees, it suddenly slowed, then stopped. It sniffed the air and turned away from me to face Nico and started walking towards the small boy as if it had completely forgotten about me. 

_No!_ my heart nearly stopped, & the monster growled low in its throat and began pawing the ground like a bull does before it charges. Just another reason for me to want to kill this thing; I hated bulls. Before it could charge Nico, I bent down and lifted a hefty snow-covered rock from the ground. I chucked it with all my might at the beast, and it struck hard just between the thing's shoulder blades. 

It was just enough to pull the hideous creature's attention back on me. It grunted and turned around once again, an evil glint in its eye. I shoved a hand back into my pocket, and to my relief it closed around the familiar ballpoint pen. _You took your time!_ I thought, but I was still extremely grateful. I pulled the pen out and uncapped it with some difficulty. It expanded at once into the double-edged 3-foot celestial bronze sword, Riptide. 

The monster gave a roar of fury at the sight of the blade, but it was either too stupid or too hungry to be scared off by it. It began to advance on me wearily, eyeing my blade with its head tilted. I was so cold and so tired that I wasn't sure if I could even swing my sword! I felt snow melting from my body heat and it began trickling down the back of my neck, making me shiver harder than ever. 

Then I got an idea. A stupid idea. An idea so crazy it might work! But if it didn't, I'd be dead as Grover's uncle Ferdinand. As the monster paced closer and closer to me, the sword grew heavier in my hand and I realized I didn't have a choice. I closed my eyes and whispered a silent prayer to my father, Poseidon. As my eyes closed I heard the beast start to run toward me, its heavy footfalls making muffled thumps in the snow. Nico cried out in warning, but I ignored him, focusing on the snow around me. 

I willed the temperature of the snow to rise. I knew the monster would be on me in a matter of seconds, but I couldn't think about that now. Nico gasped again and I hoped it meant my idea was working. _Rise!_ I thought. _Warm up! Wake up!_ the beast was mere feet from me. I could hear its nose snorting, and smell its last rancid meal on its breath. 

_Rise!_ I thought with more intensity. _And release!_ My eyes snapped open just in time to see a wall of melted snow crash over the monster, engulfing it. I snapped my fingers, feeling a tug in my gut, and instantly the water froze, trapping the creature. I stumbled forward, feeling slightly dizzy. The beast had been only a couple feet away from impaling me on its claws. I leveled Riptide at its chest and drove the blade through the ice and into the monster with all the remaining strength I had. The ice fractured and the beast erupted into yellow dust. 

I stumbled my way over to Nico, who had been either too scared or too cold to run away again. I capped Riptide and held out a hand. 

"Come on, I'm taking you back to camp."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We made it back to the Big House without any more encounters. Nico and I staggered inside and collapsed onto a couch. Chiron, who was now alone and in his wheelchair form, came over quickly, a look of concern on his face. 

"What happened?!" He asked, snatching up a blanket from next to the couch and throwing it over us. I decided to start at the beginning and tell the truth. Nico would need as many allies as he could get. As Chiron wheeled over to the fridge to pour us both small cups of Nectar, just enough to warm us up and restore our energy, I told him about Bianca's revelation that she and Nico had stayed in the Lotus Hotel & Casino for what felt like a couple of weeks, but was actually decades. Nico's eyes widened at his, but he said nothing. 

I told Chiron about the skeleton warriors breaking into camp, and how Nico had made the earth swallow them, then about the chase and the fight with the monster in the woods. Chiron stroked his short beard thoughtfully through my story, making no interruptions and saying nothing until I was done talking. 

"I see. . ." He said, concern in his voice. "So, Nico, you're the son of Hades."

Nico shrugged, staring at the floor. He was still shivering, even after drinking the Nectar, and I reached over instinctually to pull him close and warm him up, but he jerked away from me and left me feeling colder inside. I withdrew my arm and stared at Chiron. 

"Well. . .," the centaur hummed, "it seems that the Hermes cabin is no longer fit to house you. But we haven't got a Hades cabin. Where to put you. . . ?"

If I hadn't known Chiron I would've been shocked that housing was his first question. But I knew he would get to the other important matters soon. 

"I'll take him," I said without hesitation. "My cabin has more than enough space. I can keep him safe until we're able to build a Hades cabin. If. . . If you'll let me?" I looked over at Nico. He just shrugged again and wouldn't meet my gaze. 

"Then that's settled. Now, what are we going to tell the other campers?" Chiron asked. I looked at him, puzzled. 

"Sir?" 

"Well, we can't tell them that Nico is a child of Hades. We can't even build a Hades cabin for a while, I'm afraid. Remember, we still have a spy in our midst. Someone told Luke the location of the Golden Fleece last year, and probably let those skeleton warriors into camp today. We can't let word get out that another child of the Big Three has been found. If that information was to leak to The Lord of Time. . ."

I nodded with understanding. "So we need a cover story for why Nico is moving in with me?" 

"Precisely, Percy," Chiron nodded. 

"Well we can tell them the truth," I suggested. "Not the whole truth, but we can say I felt so terrible about not being able to save Bianca that I decided to take him in." 

Nico snorted. "Guilt," he said. I paused, expecting him to say more, but he remained silent. I looked into his eyes and was glad to find, however, that the hatred they'd held before had gone. They still contained deep sorrow and disappointment, but I was fairly certain they weren't aimed at me anymore. At least, not directly. 

Chiron pretended he hadn't heard Nico. "I suppose that could work. . . Yes, that should be fine. I will escort you to Cabin 3. I suggest you both try to get a good night's sleep. You need it."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We stopped off at Cabin 11 to retrieve Nico's belongings. Chiron, who was now in full centaur form, told the Hermes campers the story I'd come up with, and they all nodded with understanding and waved Nico off. We arrived at my cabin soon after that. I half expected Nico to not be able to enter, or to at least feel uncomfortable inside. The Gods were like that. They hated when other Gods, or their children, entered their domains. But if Nico felt anything unwelcoming he showed no sign. 

He chose a bed as far away from mine as he could. Chiron bid us goodnight and began to gallop back up to the Big House. As Nico began to unpack his Mythomagic cards in silence, I realized I'd left the figurine Bianca had wanted me to give him at Zeus' Fist by accident. I decided I would go and retrieve it in the morning. Nico deserved to have it, after all. 

But then he started throwing his cards and figurines in the trash. "What're you doing?!" I exclaimed, and he shook his head 

"I don't need these anymore," his voice was raspy from screaming at me in the cold. "Not when there are real Gods and real consequences. No one here plays this game anyway." He tossed a small Hera figurine into the trash. 

"You could teach me to play?" I suggested. He shook his head. 

"This was a stupid game. I was stupid for playing it. Bianca is gone. I have. . . Perspective now." He threw the rest of his cards into the trash can. 

I frowned. I wanted to help, my heart was crying out for him, but I didn't know what to say. So, of course, I said something stupid like "Are you sure you wanna sleep so far away from me?" I nearly bit my own tongue off in punishment. Here Nico was suffering, and I'd said something lame like that. 

His back was to me, and his neck turned red, but Nico shook his head. "Just. . . Just let me sleep, Percy."

I nodded slowly, then turned away to get ready for bed. "I am sorry about Bianca, you know. She was really smart and unbelievably brave. I was gonna go into the robot, but she forced me to stay behind while she climbed in herself. Without her, we probably would've died on more than one occasion."

The words spilled out of me before I could stop them. One of the curses of having ADHD. No filter. But Nico just sighed. After a few minutes, he spoke. 

"I don't blame you, Percy. Not anymore. You couldn't have done anything. And even if you had, you'd probably be dead instead. I'm glad you caught me before I could do something stupid, and I'm glad you took me in. But can we. . . Could we just not talk about it? Not for today, anyway?"

I turned around just as I was pulling on my pajamas to see Nico already in his and climbing into bed. He looked at me as I put on my bottoms, and I nodded. "Of course. But whenever you're ready, I'm here to talk."

Nico said nothing, but I thought I saw his eyes flicker as he glanced at my bare chest. Then he rolled over and closed his eyes. I sighed, tugging on my PJ shirt, and climbed into my own bed. "Lights out," I muttered, feeling thoroughly defeated by this day. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, in the dead of night, I was jerked awake by high whimpers and the sound of creaking and shaking from across the room. There was next to no light in the cabin, but I didn't need to see to know what was happening: Nico was having nightmares. He sounded so frightened and desperate, so weak and powerless, that I immediately threw aside my covers and ran over to his bed without a second thought. 

As I grew closer it became easier to see him. Nico was jerking back and forth, muscles convulsing. He was muttering under his breath, and every few seconds he would let out sounds of pain and despair. The words he was muttering grew louder as I drew near until I could make out exactly what he was saying. 

"N-no! Bianca! Aahh! D-don't leave me! Alone. . . Cold. . . Hhhhnnnyaaa! S-stop! Come back!" He sounded like a wounded child. I blinked when I remembered that he _was_ just a kid. Technically. 

"Nico!" I said, my voice urgent. "Nico, wake up! You're dreaming!" 

The only response I got was a kick of his leg and a low, sorrowful moan. Nico rolled toward me and I could just make out tears in his eyes. Then he jerked his body and rolled back onto his other side. 

"C-can't leave me all alone! Please, I n-need you!" 

"Nico!" I said louder, "wake up!" 

But if he could hear me at all it had no effect. It was almost as if he was being forced to endure this nightmare. Desperately, I reached out and grabbed his shoulder, intending to try and shake him awake. But the second my hand came in contact with him, he slowed and stopped kicking. He still jerked slightly, and he continued to speak, but his face grew less pained and more peaceful. His voice dropped in volume, too, receding back to his earlier muttering. 

I slowly pulled my hand away, hoping the nightmare had passed. But the instant my fingertips left his skin he began to convulse violently once more and his muttering grew to shouts again. Instinctively I placed my hand back against him, my heart beating hard in my chest, and I pleaded silently. Immediately Nico calmed again, and in that moment I did the only thing that made sense to my ADHD brain. I climbed into bed with him. 

Now, the last thing I wanted to do was behave improperly with Nico. Not that I had improper feelings for him, but all the same he'd already been through so much, and I didn't want to add more complicated emotions to the mix. But I found that the more I touched him, the more he calmed down. So I hesitantly wrapped an arm around his midriff and pushed my chest against his back. My knees found the crook of his legs like puzzle pieces. We were basically spooning, I knew, something I would hate myself for later, but Nico's breathing normalized, his body settled and relaxed, and his shouts and whimpers vanished completely. 

Soon enough Nico was snoring. Not the loud, obnoxious snores like you could hear from the Ares cabin at night. But small, peaceful ones, rhythmic and content like a cat. The hint of a smile crept onto Nico's face, replacing his earlier looks of terror. And to top it off he unconsciously hugged my arm to his chest, adding to our warmth. 

I'd intended to stay there for only a few minutes, I really did. Just long enough to make sure the night terror had passed. I felt icky inside, violating his space without permission. My crotch was pressed against his butt, something I knew was wrong even without ill intent. But I was afraid to move away in case his nightmare returned. And it was so warm and so comfortable in this bed. Our bodies fit together perfectly. Before I could stop myself, my eyes began to close. My breathing slowed, and my vision went black. The next thing I knew, I was dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of my chapter/fic titles are song titles/lyrics. I write each chapter how I want to write it, then think of what song I think fits it and give it that title. Going through and adding links to those songs in the end notes of all my chapters, so if you wanna get a peek into my life you can check those out
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfKTgx15jag


	2. The Frail (Mini Chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day, gentle viewers! Have a mini chapter I wrote last night. I also kept going and wrote a full chapter because I had the story fresh in my mind and was on a roll. I'm debating if I should post today or save for later. . . . . .

"WOAH!? WHAT THE **HELL** ARE you doing in my bed?!" 

I woke with a start, my eyes flashing open. They were instantly blinded by bright morning light coming in through the cabin windows. The next second I was being kicked and pushed backwards out of the bed. I fell to the floor with a crash and the back of my head cracked against the corner of a bedside table. 

"Oh, shit! Percy, I'm sorry!" My head was spinning and aching, and I couldn't see, but I heard the padding of feet as Nico ran around the bed and crouched down by me. "Are you alright? I shouldn't have done that. . . ."

"Yeah. . . I'm OK," I groaned, sitting up slowly and warily, wincing as I regained the use of my eyes. Nico was watching me with tired eyes and messed up hair. He'd clearly only just woken up a moment before. 

"Oh. . . Ok, then," he said, suddenly switching to sounding nonchalant. "So, are you gonna answer me? What exactly were you doing in bed with me?" 

I blushed, trying to remember why myself. "Ahhh. . . Right, sorry!" It came back to me slowly. "You. . . You were having a nightmare last night. I couldn't wake you, but when I touched you. . . The more I touched you, the calmer you got."

"Uhhh huh. Right, that totally doesn't sound made up at all."

"Hey, I'm not making it up!" I said in indignant protest. 

"Right. So I was having a nightmare, and your first instinct was 'gee, I should climb in bed with this kid, wrap my arms around him, and sleep with him'?" Nico raised an eyebrow incredulously and crossed his arms. Even crouching the ten-year-old looked intimidating now I knew the truth about his father. 

I blushed again. "Ok, it sounds really bad when you put it like that. . . ."

Nico snorted. "Gee, I wonder why? Maybe because it is bad!" He stood suddenly and made his way over to the foot of his bed & bent down to pick up the bag he'd brought with him from Cabin 11. "I'm getting a shower. I'll see you at breakfast, maybe. We share a cabin now, but I don't see why we have to see each other during the day." 

The ice in his voice made me shiver with sudden discomfort. I stood shakily, one hand rubbing the back of my head. I strode quickly forward and reached out to grab hold of Nico's shoulder. "Hey, wait! Nico. . . What happened to you? What happened to that kid I rescued from the Academy? You were so full of excitement." 

A stupid question. Probably one of Percy Jackson's thickest moments. I hurriedly tried to amend my statement. "You say you don't blame me, but you keep taking your feelings out on me."

Nico leveled a glare at me. "Percy, I idolized you from the first moment I saw you. You were incredible! An action hero. Strong and sexy like in the movies. So no, I don't blame you anymore. Far from it. But you keep doing and saying the wrong things. You just slept with me, for Gods' sakes! What am I supposed to make of that?!"

He wrenched himself out of my grasp. "As for that kid. . . He grew up last night." 

Nico turned around and strode quickly away and out the room, slamming the door behind him. I stood there, shell-shocked. _Did. . . Did he have a crush on me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of my chapter/fic titles are song titles/lyrics. I write each chapter how I want to write it, then think of what song I think fits it and give it that title. Going through and adding links to those songs in the end notes of all my chapters, so if you wanna get a peek into my life you can check those out
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOMcxTK7-0w


	3. The Wretched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh, fuck it. I'm (probably) going to be locked away these next few days anyway, and it's already done. Even though this fic isn't remotely popular, you can have a full chapter. This one is very much dialogue-centered partly because someone told me on facebook my fics don't have enough dialogue, and partly because it worked really, really well (in my opinion)

"SHUT UP, ANNABETH, I'M SERIOUS! This is serious!" I hissed angrily as she wheezed and held her ribs in laughter. 

"Come on, Percy!" Annabeth tossed her blonde hair out of her face and gave me a brief glimpse at the silver streak she had, courtesy of Atlas and the weight I the sky. It was a feature I shared with her. "He's 10, he doesn't have any crushes. Certainly not one on you. He probably still believes in cooties and Santa Claus." 

We were standing at the back of the swordplay ring, leaning against the fence. Since last night another inch or two of snow had fallen at least. It was odd for any precipitation to have been allowed inside the camp boundaries, but Annabeth didn't seem to mind. Then again, she had just been rescued from holding up the weight of the world (literally) for days on end hardly a week ago, and could quite possibly still be out of it. Regardless, I had to talk to her. 

"You didn't hear him when he said it," I pressed. "Nico was talking about how I'm his idol, about how incredible I was. He said I was like an action hero, and that. . ." I stopped talking, a blush creeping up on my cheeks. 

"Go on," Annabeth said, trying to keep her face impassive. She nudged me in the ribs with her elbow. "'And that' what?"

I sighed. "And that he thought I was. . . That I'm. . . Sexy!" 

She snorted. "Ok, I take it back! Maybe he does have a crush on you." There was an edge of laughter in Annabeth's voice. 

"He's 10!" I cried, repeating Annabeth's own point. "And. . . And a guy," I added as an afterthought. Annabeth took a deep breath, gathering herself, then looked at me seriously. _Uh oh!_ I knew that look. She was about to dive in and analyze everything. And normally when she did this she turned out to be right. That didn't mean I generally liked what she had to say, though. 

"Percy, we met when you were just barely older than Nico is now. Can you honestly tell me you weren't into girls then, even just a little bit?"

"That's. . . That's not the point!" I shuffled my feet nervously, remembering the love-themed abandoned carnival ride Annabeth and I had ended up in shortly after we'd met. I was also unsure what had happened to make us switch sides in this debate so suddenly. 

"Or guys," Annabeth added, eyes flashing and telling me quite clearly that she noticed my earlier afterthought of Nico being a guy. 

"Wh-what?! That's not even. . . No, okay? Just. . . No!"

She raised an eyebrow but kept silent. I gulped, waiting for her to speak. But she just continued to stare at me. Eventually I couldn't take the awkward silence any longer. "Look, I'm not homophobic or anything! I'm just not attracted to men."

"How do you know?" 

I stared at her open-mouthed. "H-how do I know? You're joking, right? I think I know what my type is." 

"Most boys don't even know they like girls until they hit puberty, and that's just because they realize girls are an option all of a sudden."

I became painfully aware of my own breathing. Was I breathing normally? Should I focus on my breathing to make it appear normal? Or would that be over complicating things, causing me to slip and breathe abnormally? 

"Ok, I'm not having this conversation with you." I pushed a hand through my hair and turned away, looking and feeling mortified. 

"No, Percy, wait!" Annabeth reached out and grabbed my shoulder, turning me back to face her. "I'm trying to help. This isn't some 'gotcha' moment for my own enjoyment. I actually wanna work this out with you. Just. . . Humor me, OK?"

I sighed, then bit my lip. "Fine, I guess. Just no more awkward puberty talk!"

"No promises," Annabeth smirked, and I grit my teeth in annoyance. Her smirk quickly disappeared and she raised her hands in surrender. "Right! Sorry, just some light teasing. I'm done now."

"Just get on with it."

"Right. . . So, have you ever even thought about boys in a. . . Let's say a romantic way? Just to even consider the possibility?"

I shook my head. "No, never."

"So how do you know how you feel about them one way or another?"

"I dunno! How do you know you're not into girls?!"

"Who said I'm not into girls?" Annabeth gave me a mysterious look out of the corner of her eye. My mouth fell open. 

"I swear. . . You're either teasing me, or. . . It's almost like you want me to be gay!" 

"Every girl needs a gay friend," Annabeth replied without missing a beat. I glared at her and she rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine, I'm done teasing. Let's get back to the issue at hand, then. How do you feel about Nico?"

I shrugged. "I like him well enough, I guess. Haven't really had a lot of time to know him. Just the week after we rescued him and last night, really. I guess I care about him a lot, though? I don't know. . . I promised him I'd look after his sister and I failed that, so now I feel like he's my responsibility. Only he's acting like a completely different person now. 

"Honestly he was kinda annoying when we first met. But in a charming, endearing way, if that makes sense? I guess I'd need to get to know him more before I made a choice about how I feel one way or another. Of course, that'll prove difficult since he hates me right. . . ."

I trailed off as I suddenly became painfully aware just how much I had to say on the topic of this boy I barely knew, who I felt responsible for. Visibly flustered, I rounded on Annabeth. 

"When and how did this become about me?! This was supposed to be about Nico having a crush on me. That is to say, _maybe_ having a crush on me!" I grimaced. "Now you've got me talking about how I feel about boys?! That's not why I came to talk with you at all!"

Annabeth shrugged, her grey eyes studying my face. "If you really just wanted to talk about how you _think_ Nico feels, then why did you have so much to say about yourself and how you feel?" 

I stared at her in disbelief. I wanted to argue with her. I was _aching_ to! But I couldn't find any fault to attack. "I. . . Screw this! I'll be in my bunk!" 

I turned on heel and marched away, heading for my cabin and feeling much more confused and frustrated than when I'd approached Annabeth in the first place. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

If I thought I would get some relief from the new complexifier of my and Nico's feelings in Cabin 3, I was very wrong. I stormed inside in a huff, more upset with myself and my own confusing emotions than anyone else, only to practically step on Nico. 

"What the-?!" 

The boy was on his stomach with his head and shoulders under my bed. When he heard me walk into the room, he yelped and hurriedly crawled backwards and stood shiftily. 

"P-Percy! I didn't think you'd be back so soon!"

Nico, despite having showered since I saw him earlier this morning, looked distinctly more disheveled. His black hair was a tangled, spiky mess, his eyes were red and blotchy from crying, and he was wearing black jeans and a grey t-shirt that seemed to be ever so slightly too large for him. They were clothes I'd never seen him wear before. 

"Nico. . . What happened to you?!" 

He scowled, running a shaking hand through his messy hair. "What do you mean? I thought you knew the whole story. You were there after all." 

For the first time since I'd told him what had happened to Bianca, I felt anger spark through my heart. The urge to take care of Nico was still stronger, however, and I managed to swallow back all the whippish comebacks I thought up in the moment. 

"You look like you've been hit by a bus! I know you're a son of Hades, but it can't be good for you to look this close to. . . ."

Nico's eyes flashed. "To what? Say it, Percy. It can't be good to look this close to death, right? Maybe it's on purpose?" 

I shook my head in disbelief. "Just. . . What were you doing under my bed?" 

For a split second, Nico's venomous scowl turned into a pained grimace. "It's. . . It's nothing. I just can't find B-Bianca's statue. The one she wanted me to h-have before. . . I don't remember what happened to it after you. . . After you told me. . . ." The boy's voice cracked as he said his sister's name. He sniffled and looked away, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. 

A fresh pit opened in my stomach to keep the others company. Between talking with Annabeth and cracking my head when Nico kicked me out of bed (and the row that followed), I had completely forgotten to go back to Zeus' Fist and find the figurine I'd dropped when the monster had attacked Nico and me!

I stepped forward and gripped both of Nico's shoulders tightly, making the boy look at me. "Listen, Nico. I can get it. It won't take long. I had it when the monster attacked us last night, but I dropped it during the fight. But I can find it! I'll go now. And when I get back, you and I need to have a long talk to sort out. . . Well, everything. A talk where we say what we mean and why. A talk without storming out or sarcasm or anything that can make this worse. I want to help you, not hurt you. 

"But before that, you need to get some sleep. As much as you can. You really do look like Cerberus' chew toy." I knew what I was talking about from experience.

Nico looked at me blankly, with empty eyes. I'm not sure why, but that one look was the last straw. The dam I had inside to keep all my feelings at bay broke. A single tear leaked out of my eye and shot down my cheek. It would only take a minute for everything else to come crashing out. I couldn't let Nico see that. The poor kid had been through enough without me breaking down on him. 

"Go now!" I instructed, trying to sound strong. "Sleep."

Nico looked at me questioningly, but I pushed him lightly away and didn't even wait to see if he complied before I turned on heel and stumbled out of the cabin as quickly as I could and started running for the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of my chapter/fic titles are song titles/lyrics. I write each chapter how I want to write it, then think of what song I think fits it and give it that title. Going through and adding links to those songs in the end notes of all my chapters, so if you wanna get a peek into my life you can check those out
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANjQ8wI-W7g

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JX-Vlrpv8qI
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLLvLMc5Bx8


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